My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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