And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
