turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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