I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
