just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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