Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
