i think i have two assholes
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
