guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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