ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
