"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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