i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You need Xanax blowdarts
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize