Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
