The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
