More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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