so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
