i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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