what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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