and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
