Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
