I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Randomize