We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
