You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
