somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
