Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
