so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Bring me that man meat
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize