Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
