She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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