We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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