Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
