i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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