Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
