He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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