I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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