the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
