i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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