Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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