proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
