Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
