Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
