oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
