My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
