well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
