I like to think it a success when the cops are called
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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