the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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