Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm at about main and main street
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
