i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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