she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
