Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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