All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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