my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
