Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
