Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
