did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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