So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
