Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
