you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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