my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
