Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize