my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
