so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They took my balls.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
