So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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