when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
