a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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