I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
