I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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