I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
