you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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