Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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