I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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