Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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