Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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