I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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