very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
