Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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