ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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