so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
