Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
