I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Randomize
