then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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