Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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