I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
