she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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