nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize