how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
