Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
