The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
