Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Swine flu. Run for my life!
ugly people sure do ruin things
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
