honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
