The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
