If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
