There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
