And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize