He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
